I Have A Secret

“If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.”

— Rob Corddry

Do you know how to get people to pay very close attention to you?

I do.

And it’s easy. Doesn’t cost you a dime, either. And no matter what, people cannot resist it. 

But I won’t explain it. Certainly not here, out in public.

So don’t ask me what it is. I’m not — repeat, not — going to tell you. Even if you beg.

But please, don’t beg. It’s demeaning. And it won’t get you anywhere.

It’s just too powerful to put in the hands of most people.

Really, it’s for your own protection — and to protect society at large — that I don’t tell you.

Well, I probably shouldn’t tell you.

But what if I did? Would you promise to keep it just between us?

Promise me you won’t say anything.

I’ll whisper it in your ear.

*I already told you. Did you hear it?*

Don’t let me catch you telling anyone, okay?

It’s just between us.